It is well known that there are four different words for love in the Greek language. I think this is the wrong way to say that sentence. There is only one way to say love in English. This is a classical conflation. We are referring to different concepts with a single word. No one thinks that the love that they have for their spouse is the same thing as the love they have for their children. This example should show us that our English language is insufficient to capture the distinction.
Languages tend to develop words for things they find important. How many words can you think of for an automobile? Without thinking too hard, you probably thought of about ten words like truck, sedan, SUV, van, minivan, motorcycle, hatchback, sports car, car, or any of the name brands of dealerships. So why one word for love?
I, Pastor Quincey Prickett, read a book I found particularly challenging last year called, “Misreading Scripture Through Western Eyes,” written by E. Randolf Richards and Brandon J. O’Bryan. They explain this phenomenon by saying, “This is not merely a matter of vocabulary but of values. The words we use are a good indication of what we consider important. As our values change, so does our language. When we really need a word, we invent one. Think of all the new vocabulary we’ve developed in the digital age—words like Internet, software, and mp3. What we don’t see as important, we don’t bother to invent words for. In other words, the frequency and number of words we have for a given thing or experience and its value in our worldview are connected.”
Yet if I say, “I love my car,” and, “I love my children,” we use the same word for thoughts and affections that are so very different. I could easily lose my car and not be too concerned, other than the obvious need to find a new one, but if I were to lose one of my children, I would probably spend the rest of my life in a padded room. It is so obvious that we conflate the word love when describing these two very different ideas. Our culture has gone so far as to cherish this conflation like it is the way it should be. After all, “love is love,” isn’t it? If God is love then shouldn’t all love be equal?
So let us take a look at the different words for love used in Scripture and those not used in Scripture. The four Greek words translated as love are Eros, Storge, Agape, and Phileo. Most of us have probably heard a sermon on agape, as it is said, unconditional love, which is not the best translation but is commonly understood. We are familiar with phileo as the original capital of the American Colonies is Philadelphia, or the city of brotherly love, so we say brotherly love is what phileo means. These are not terrible understandings of these words, but they are far from comprehensive.
Less familiar is the word storge which is a bond shared due to familiarity. This is a family love like the one you have for your children or your brother… “But wait, I thought phileo meant brotherly love?” Philadelphia is actually a Greek compound word phileo and delphos. Delphos is the Greek word for brother. So what type of love is phileo? Phileo is friendship. It is the Greek word used in the writings of Plato that we translate as a friend. This is where we get the idea of a Platonic friend. Phileo, according to Plato, is a love that a friend has for another friend. He says a friend is someone who cares for you for your sake, not for their own. Plato continuously compares eros with phileo. He says someone with eros loves you because they get something out of you where as someone with phileo expects nothing back.
So this leads us to ask, “What is eros?” We actually have an English word derived from eros that is not uncommon…. Erotic. Eros is sexual love best understood as lustful desire. This is part of the love that you share for your spouse, but it is important to remember these types of love are not mutually exclusive. One can have eros for their spouse and have storge and agape all at the same time. This is what people mean when they say, “love is love.” They actually mean, “sexual lust is sexual lust, and if it is ok for you two, then it is ok for others.” I digress.
The thing about eros that I found most interesting in my studies is that it is completely absent from the New Testament. It is used in the LXX or Greek translation of the Old Testament in three different books. It is used in Proverbs 4:6 when telling us to desire wisdom like a woman instead of the ungodly woman of folly. Then, eros is used again in the Book of Jeremiah 4:30. Translated as “your lovers have rejected you,” having a negative connotation referring to those whom Israel committed spiritual fornication, aka idolatry, with. The last book is Hosea mentioned five times in chapter 2, all negatively still referring to the same concept of spiritual fornication.
Why is this distinction important Biblically? The simple fact that eros is only spoken of one time in all the Biblical sources as a good thing and in a metaphorical manner directed towards wisdom should show us that it is not something to glorify. However, it is probably the most glorified thing in our society today.
Agape, on the other hand, is mentioned over 140 times in the New Testament. What is agape? I did mention that the understanding of unconditional love is insufficient to describe it. Agape is selfless love, true, but it is best understood as something you do. When you help the widow that you know cannot repay then you are doing agape. When you help the orphan or the homeless, it is agape as well. It seems as though agape is a form of charity. This is why the KJV translates it as charity 24 times.
Agape is the type of love that we should strive for when it comes to glorifying Jesus. Agape is a sacrifice of sorts. It is what God has for us and in return, it is what we should show to each other. Yes, it is unconditional, but it is an action, not merely a feeling. Appealing again to the LXX and the teachings of Jesus, this is the type of love mentioned in Deuteronomy 6:4 when we are commanded to “love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, and strength.” If agape is merely an emotion or a feeling, how can we be commanded to “do” it? By comparison, how do you “do” anger if anger is also a feeling? You cannot actively do feelings. You have feelings. Agape is something that you do.
So as we move forward in loving God with agape, let us learn how to fulfill the task best together.
